Let's Just Call It an Odd Five
by Ryeloza
Summary: ...having a dog around was practically having a man around, wasn’t it? A brief look at the marriages of Penny Halliwell.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Charmed_. I really wish I did, but I don't.

**A/n: **This little plot bunny wriggled into my head and wouldn't get out. I hope you all enjoy this!

_Katie_

**Four? Or Was It Six? Let's Just Call It an Odd Five.**

_**The Husbands of Penny Halliwell**_

A story by: **Ryeloza**

**1944: Tommy**

Penny Johnson was sixteen when she married Tommy Ryan.

Her parents weren't happy about the marriage. Well, at least her father wasn't. Her mother had been practically catatonic Penny's entire life (for reasons Penny would learn soon after she returned from her tryst with Tommy), so she scarcely acknowledged the fact.

At sixteen, it didn't seem possible that her mother actually had a reason for being distant and lost in her own world. Penny, all pent up energy and enthusiasm, could not reconcile her own being with her mother's; as a result, she spent every waking moment trying to shine brightly enough to attract her mother's focus. That was why she had gone out that night while her parents and brother slept quietly. That was why she had flirted her way into the dance hall. That was why she had had too much to drink and had shared one too many dances with Tommy Ryan, whose Irish eyes enticed her in a way she hadn't experienced before. Or maybe it was the uniform; she wasn't quite sure.

That was why she hadn't protested when he'd drunkenly proposed sex, practically begging her because it was his last night on leave. _I might not make it home_, he'd whispered in her ear. So she'd agreed and had sex with him in a seedy motel room that would have killed her father had he known about. To her surprise, the next morning Tommy was still in the bed and this time he had a different proposal. Penny didn't plan to say yes, but when she called home her mother answered the phone and Penny quickly realized that her mother hadn't even known that she'd been gone. So she'd hung up and kissed Tommy and said, "Okay, Tommy. I'll marry you. What's your last name?"

Four months later, he was dead; a corpse on the beach of Normandy.

"Tommy's dead," she announced to her parents. She wasn't sure how to feel because just moments after kissing Tommy goodbye she had begun to regret the marriage. This seemed to be an easy way out, yet at too high a cost.

"Who's Tommy?" asked her mother.

Penny sat down at the table and cried.

**1949: Allen**

Allen was ten years older than she was and her teacher and too nearsighted and distant and a million other things that should have been reasons for her to never marry him. But he got her pregnant and she was only twenty-one and it was 1949, so marriage seemed to be the only answer. This time, her father approved.

Penny had been studying math (as per her father's wishes) and theater (for herself) at school, but she met Allen in a field entirely unrelated. He was her art history (which she had taken to fill some inane requirement) professor who was teaching at the university part-time while he finished his doctorate. She'd been in lust with him instantly (the depth and intensity in his eyes; his strong jaw; his vibrant hair) but getting his attention proved to be harder than she was used to. Most guys fell over themselves to be with her. Allen Halliwell barely acknowledged her.

One day after class she'd gone up to him to discuss a paper she honestly couldn't care less about and she'd pretended to be a lot more interested in the Renaissance painters than she truly was. That got his attention and led to coffee which led to dinner which led to him screwing her in his dingy apartment which of course led to Patty.

It was honorable, she supposed, that he proposed marriage. They got married as soon as the semester ended and she moved into the dingy apartment and grew more and more pregnant. She dropped out of school while Allen defended his dissertation and her friends and classmates graduated. Mostly, she was bitter and, mostly, she thought her life was over. Then Patty was born and suddenly the future looked a little bit brighter because it turned out (to no one's shock more than Penny's) that she was born to be a mother. And never had she nor ever would she love anyone more than she loved her daughter.

Penny wasn't sure how the marriage lasted as long as it did. Allen was still attractive and interesting. That helped a lot. But he was also completely lost in his work, keeping odd hours and coming and going as he pleased. He and Patty were wild about each other, though, and Penny supposed that was another reason she stuck around; how could she break that bond?

Allen didn't find out about the witchcraft until Patty froze their dog, Candor, in front of Allen when she was just over three. He took the news with a surprising dignity, and Penny supposed that his reaction was another reason she never left. Maybe it was even the reason that she fell a little in love with him; more so than she did any of the other conquests in her past or future.

When he died she only cried at night into her pillow so her seventeen-year-old daughter wouldn't know. More than anything, Penny desperately wanted to spare Patty her own grief.

**1975: Luke**

Penny married Luke for Patty.

She knew from the get-go that the marriage wasn't going to last. Luke was rich and handsome and a nice distraction. And that was all Penny had ever intended him to be, but then Patty reunited with Victor and moved into the manor and the place just wasn't big enough for Penny and her son-in-law. So for the third and final time, Penny stepped back and let Patty have a chance with Victor while she went off and married Luke Scratterwault.

The marriage lasted ten months. There was a lot of mediocre sex and some heated arguments, and that was all Penny could really say for marriage number three.

**1979: Chester**

Chester Lennox had been her best friend until she was thirteen, and then he had moved to Los Angeles with his parents. After that, Penny had seen him off and on. They kept up a loose, unreliable correspondence; unsentimental, Penny didn't keep any of the letters.

The last letter she had gotten had been in 1976, and this was the reason that she was shocked when Chester showed up at Patty's funeral two years later. Never had Penny been so able to openly admit that she was happy to see someone. During the day she stayed strong for the girls, but that night she collapsed into Chester's arms and cried out her soul bit by bit.

Over the next year they became close friends again and then one night in December Chester kissed her and everything changed. Penny wasn't sure why she let Chester kiss her. She wasn't sure why she let him take her to bed a week later. All she knew was that for the first time in a long time she actually felt something besides grief and the cheap mask she wore over it for the girls.

So when he proposed she agreed to marry him even though she didn't love him as more than a friend. Something was better than nothing, after all.

They were comfortable for three pleasant years and then Penny felt something more for someone else and broke Chester's heart.

She never forgave herself for that.

**1990: Richard**

Richard—not Dick, not Rick, not Rich—was the last and the worst. He was pompous and arrogant and they fought like cats and dogs, but there was passion. So much passion. And Penny was always a sucker for passion.

He'd proposed with the biggest diamond she'd ever seen—including the one she'd gotten from the much richer Luke—and they'd fought about whether she would take his last name and then they'd had mind-blowing sex. One month later they were married and miserable.

The problem with Richard was that they fell into a horrible cycle: fight and then sex; fight and then sex; fight and then sex. And the sex was so amazing that it almost made the fights worthwhile. And then the fights became foreplay and the cycle became even more vicious.

Penny was the one to finally break the cycle and the only reason she was able to was for the girls. Phoebe, mostly. The longer their marriage went on the more destructive Phoebe seemed to become and Penny began to realize that she was being incredibly selfish. Even if the sex was incredible. So she'd asked for a divorce and she and Richard had had one last huge fight (with no sex to end it).

She cursed the ring and shoved it into her jewelry box and then went out and bought a dog, because having a dog around was practically having a man around, wasn't it? At least that's what she told the next guy who proposed. For some reason, he didn't appreciate her logic, but Penny had just shrugged and said, "Talk to me after you've been married five times."

-Fin-

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A/n 2: **Obviously I ignored pretty much everything that had to do with the episode "Witchstock." Frankly, that episode never made any sense to me. Penny just seemed wildly OOC. I hope that doesn't detract from anyone's enjoyment of my story though.

Feedback is very much welcomed!

_Katie_


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